＊兔的世界＊

好累啊。。我知道我的工作上待遇已经很好。。 那，为什么会那么累？

觉得好像越来越不会表达自己心里的感受了。。

有时为了顺从别人牺牲自己的主见，

有时不想让周围的人感到困扰，

有时更不想让自己变成焦点。

总之，现在我有点分不清什么是对，什么是错了。。

什么时候该为别人付出，什么时候为了不让别人感到厌烦而该做决定呢？

是该做的事情越来越多，

不过，比较像是自己的能力减退了。。（同时记忆力也衰退了。。）

好想把时间停止，就躺在床上好好的睡一觉。。

不然，坐在一角听着永远听不完的好音乐也不错。。

再想下去可能会让我的境崖越拉越低。还有很多事要做所以只能幻想。

可能有这些想法的人也蹁布在世界各地只是对我而言，我很想赶快踏出这个迷惑的感觉。心情很糟，吃多少巧克力也没用。读多少鼓励也没用。听别人试图鼓励我，只会雪上加霜。因为现在的心情是复杂的。没有“因为 。。。所以咯” 只有“可能是 。。。 加上 。。。 还有最近。。。也可能是几年前。。”

最近心里很空虚。 对啦，是感情事。而烦的原因是：只有我一个人烦，不知道为什么烦，到底答案在哪？那一类的。

觉得没谈过恋爱的人比我幸运。经过风风雨雨的人比我幸运。有美满家庭的人比我幸运。自己搬出来住的人比我幸运。

总之，现在我的人生好像被绳子悬吊在半空中。Neither left nor right, neither up nor down.

IM SO LOST!

让我有些刺激一点的事吧。或许如果我只能活到明天，我会勇敢与积极的去做莫些事。

就。。。说到这。

been so emo recently..

isit due to PMS? or puberty? or hormone growth? XD..

wadever..

but i think i've been too self-centered.. so much so that i've mislook the "大局" and am only concerned with my own feelings and interests. SIGHzz..

even if what im thinkin cant be fulfilled, so what? i have been only thinkin about my concerns.. but all of these wont affect others but only make myself suffer. for what? the devil has been pretty good in doing that to me these while.

really.. once broken considered sold. i wonder how am i going to pick up from here... GAMBATTE!!

p.s: im typing here so my kids wont see. haha..

i dunno what to write.. almost suffer from asthma today. time to pack.

lousy hair, lousy mood, lousy life condition = lousy me.

shared my testi at senja today.. couldnt be said as a testi because there wasnt much victories. or NONE. it was jus a revision of my life, as an alien.

seeing the situation at home made my heart sunk once each time i think about it.. i wonder why.. is it so hard to maintain? or isit because i've slacken?

i feel so ashamed to be talking about myself even thou i am a bad example.

how many times said abt we must not deny our own life's potential because that would be equivalent to denying the power of the gohonzon? why do i feel that people's life do have the greatest potential to overcome any obstacle but i cant?

why do i want to shop and "beautify" my external self but not the more important one which is the inner self? that what's self-denial? i really dunno..

for now, the only answer i have is "courage". i do not have courage to face this again maybe because im afraid i'll fail.. i do not have courage because i do not think i can achieve it. because of this, this and this.

then, how could i encourage my YWDs then? how i wish i can disappear from the surface of the earth. but i think this way, sensei will not be happy and instead will be very disappointed at him.. i do not want an old man like him to worry for a small chara like me.. i do wish to go japan to see sensei! but with an absolute victory and not without any achievements to my chapter and the society..

no matter how pain, no matter how hard.. i've to push myself step by step,to go forward. pls give me a kick if u see me not doing well.. i deserve it.

怎么着 甩一甩 怎么着 动一动
怎么着 不啰唆 跟着节奏点点头
自我介绍不用太多 这就是我
我只说 怎么着 怎么着 怎么着 怎么着
怎么着 你好吗 怎么着 Hello
1980 8月6日 在这世上降落
3000公克的体重 皮肤嫩嫩红透透
姓潘名玮柏 爸的伟妈的柏
爱哭爱笑爱吵爱闹有点过动
但是我 不拐不抢不骗我也不会偷
不对 我好像有偷过几本小说 非常愧疚
小时候总会做错 但我在七岁时候
已成为班级领袖 黑人白人全都听我
七岁到台北之后 开始学bo po mo fo
老妈说我总把bo po mo fo念成偷偷摸摸
我的确不是神童 但心中有一个梦
总有一天 我会唱歌表演给成千上万的观众
后来接触了篮球 打开了篮球的梦
黑人白人华人场上死命的拼命的跟随着我
我的脾气也暴躁许多 不可一世的摆出面孔
因为战场上可以输给敌人 绝对不可以输给自我
怎么着 还好吗 老师在说有听吗
这些经历就是造就现在的我
这就是我 Ohohoh
我还要Fly爱爱爱 Woo
19岁漂洋过海 大学在美国加州
被邀请参加当地歌唱比赛展现歌喉
冠军宝座万人争夺 对手言语挑衅着我
但我也不甘示弱 Sorry bro 这张第七张喽
我不是超有自信 也没有多少魅力
身高不是太高 没有太多音乐上的经历和背景
但我遗传潘家的魄力 不服输持续的努力
做什么事 一定要做到所有朋友们都看看得起
第一张专辑之前 有人打到环球唱片
问公司为何要签潘玮柏还要发他的唱片
我对歌迷说声感谢 让这个朋友哑口无言
现在会创作制作还能做亚洲的唱片巡演
我的个性没有外表乍看那么的温柔No oh
你要讨厌喜欢我笑我 我也不会啰唆
说我抄袭 膝伤作假 我也懒得反驳
放心 我会加倍奉还 Back for more
怎么着 现在对我挥手
想当初见面的时候你们怎么对我摇摇头
没差 我还是我 Ohohoh

my vox grow algae le.. am posting this in the midst of preparing for tml's prep. :P

wanted to post songs here for a longggg time and here it is. from wilber pan! i bought his latest album!! find it very nice and its a way of encouragin him to continue ba. way to go!!

well, heard this (actual)song on video about 2-3 times then i got the clip from my ymd chpt. so lucky everytime get songs that are "unofficial".. XD

anw, today's kenshu was good in a sense it kept emphasizing on certain points and we muz always eternalise in our lives. although most of them are stuff that has been shared before, but i set a resolution again for myself to advance day by day, to resolve my challenges step by step.

was very inspired by the SUJ singing. thus i wan to post this song!! hope that all of you(or maybe only meow) who hears this song will be encouraged to want to seek out to sensei and fulfill our responsibility and mission as a mbr of Ikeda Kaiyo group.

(since meow leng teaches u'll chinese, i shall learn english tgt w all of u - i only got a 7 for my O's. =(( )

On the path of peace

The dreams that came before us are engraved in travertine.
Let us cherish what is given, and embark on this endeavour.

Thousand-colored banners wave amid unceasing winds.
As champions of one world, we bare this stuff together.

Love shines within those that seek common ground.

Our footsteps in the present will be paths of peace one day.
Meeting the eyes of others, humanity embraced.
Our hearts create momentum, our hands provide the way.

Our pen expounds a future drawing wisdom from within.
Forging scholars firm in action, guarding arts of liberty.

The lion's noble call summons justice to its feet.
The roar of our conviction echoes thorough eternity.

Hope swells within hearts that act despite fear.

Our footsteps in the present will be paths of peace one day.
Meeting the eyes of others, humanity embraced.
Our hearts create momentum, our hands provide the way.

1. travertine - a sedimentary rock. It is a natural chemical precipitate of carbonate minerals; typically aragonite, but often recrystallized to, or primarily, calcite. Often used as a building material.

2. endeavour - to exert oneself to do or effect something; make an effort; strive: we must constantly endeavor if we are to succeed. –verb (used with object)

3. arts of liberty -  freedom from control, interference, obligation, restriction, hampering conditions, etc.; power or right of doing, thinking, speaking, etc., according to choice.

4. justice -

哈哈。。我又偷懒了！说好不再办公时间做工作以外的事，不过真的很困难。在听着一些音乐。。是打开电脑其中一项重要的事情。。 XD 听着五月天的这张专辑让我联想到了许多事。如大家说知道的，我喜欢把事情连接到歌曲或歌词里。对我来说，旋律和有意义的歌词最能够表达我所不能表达的言语。

这两首歌满。。真实，确实的反应了人们的生活。请问你的人生在听这首歌s时有产生共鸣吗？这也是我认为是（你）现在的感受吧。原谅我之前的任性和annoyance.

请欣赏！

生存以上 生活以下

生存以上 生活以下
作词：五月天阿信
作曲：五月天玛莎

连刷牙 也照著节奏
冲了马桶 洗了脸上的疲倦泡沫
没有梦 昨夜没有梦
镜子里的陌生人 已经不再做梦
上课钟 变成打卡钟
单行道般的人生流失在车阵中
进行曲 规律的平庸
活的像是 一句标语压韵而服从
午餐是 随便还是 都好还是
跟你一样的任何一种
奇怪呢 很久以前
我是很有想法主见 心跳很执著
伤心再也不吹风 现在只害怕伤风
耽误了谁和谁的要求
[一天一天 看日升日落 看月圆月缺
年复一年的经过 看谁把我变成现在的我
怕潮起潮落 怕患得患失 错了又错的疼痛
终于我的生命只剩生存
活著只会呼吸吃饭喝水的生活]
小时候 只要看天空
枕著白云 就觉得全世界都拥有
长大了 拥有的更多
为何感觉到越来越匮乏越贫穷
那一年 只追逐自由
现在只能 追逐著涨不停的石油
是不是 地壳又震动
要从家里震落 才悔恨这样生活
生活的反面会是死去
还是这般生存不再有冲动
闭上眼 就能感觉
生命正在 一分一秒 飞奔远离我
还不如一只昆虫 至少能破茧展翅
飞向那被夺走的天空
[一天一天 看日升日落 看月圆月缺
年复一年的经过 看谁把我变成现在的我
怕潮起潮落 怕患得患失 错了又错的疼痛
终于我的生命只剩生存
活著只会呼吸吃饭喝水的生活]
一年有 三百六十五个日子
五十二万 五千多分钟
一生有 三十四亿 五千六百
七十八万 九千下脉搏
为爱而生之后 生命要怎么挥霍
直到我化成烟的时候
[一天一天 看日升日落 看月圆月缺
年复一年的经过 看谁把我变成现在的我
怕潮起潮落 怕患得患失 错了又错的疼痛
终于我的生命只剩生存
活著只会呼吸吃饭喝水的生活
一天一天 看日升日落 看月圆月缺
年复一年的经过 曾经我也那么独一无二
怕潮起潮落 怕患得患失 错了又错的疼痛
终于我的生命只剩生存
活著只会呼吸吃饭喝水的生活]
连刷牙 也照著节奏
然后设定了明天 六点半的闹钟

你不是真正的快乐

你不是真正的快乐
词曲：阿信

人 群中 哭著 你只想變成透明的顏色
你再也不會夢 或痛 或心動了
你已經決定了 你已經決定了
你 靜靜 忍著 緊緊把昨天在拳心握著
而回憶越是甜 就是 越傷人了
越是在 手心留下 密密麻麻 深深淺淺 的刀割
[你不是真正的快樂 你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼]
這 世界 笑了 於是妳合群的一起笑了
當生存是規則 不是 你的選擇
於是妳 含著眼淚 飄飄盪盪 跌跌撞撞 的走著
[你不是真正的快樂 你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼]
你不是真正的快樂 你的傷從不肯完全的癒合
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了 然後才後悔著
你值得真正的快樂 你應該脫下你穿的保護色
為什麼失去了 還要被懲罰呢
能不能就讓 悲傷全部 結束在此刻
重新開始活著

好笨的我！！PO完了才发现我convert 错歌了。。 现在得删掉然后重新在PO过。Grrr..

The generous - Dream Star

Song: Dream Star
Artist: the generous
Album: the generous
Other: Opening Song for the anime Skip Beat!

kidzukeba sora ni ha osanai koro mita
ichiban ni hikaru ano hoshi ga hikatte miseta
yume ha yume datte akirameteta kana
tsuyoku kagayaita hoshi ni ima, genki moratta

If I realize I saw my past in the sky,
It’ll charm me with shiniest sparkle of that star.
“Dreams are just dreams”, I wonder if that’s why I gave up.
Now, that star that shone brightly, gave me courage.

dare ka ni tayotte bakari datta
ano koro ni SAYONARA

I just relied on everybody…
I say Good-Bye to those days.

sekai wo kaetemiseru! mae wo mireba
PINCHI ha CHANSU ni kawaru
kodou ga kizamidashita mirai he to
mayoi wo tsubasa ni kaetara
dare mo todokanai ano hoshi ni naru!
Shining Like A Star

I’ll show you I can change the world! If I look ahead,
my troubles will change into opportunities.
My heartbeat was carved out from my future but
if I were to change my doubts into wings,
I’ll become that star no one can reach!
Shining Like A Star

kowakunai nante uso ni naru keredo
tachimukau koto wo yametari ha shinai yo kitto
korogari tsudzukeru risou to genjitsu
butsukari au hodo tsukarareu “watashi” no sonzai

Being unafraid, somehow, it became a lie but
I won’t ever stop fighting against it.
My ideals and truths continue to roll
to the extent of stomping and creating “my” existence.

tsumetai kaze mo kokochi ii ne
senaka wo osareteku

Even the cold wind has a nice sensation,
it gives my back a push.

tomadoi fukitobashite hashiridasu yo
yume wo tsukande hayaku
miakita kakou wo sutete kimeta kara
watashi ha umare kawareru yo
DAME na jibun sae ashita he no KAGI

I blow away my bewilderment and run out
quickly grasping my dreams.
I’m tired of seeing the past I threw away because I’ve decided
I’ll change my way of living!
Even if I become useless, it’s the key of my future.

dare ka ni tayotte bakari datta
ano koro janai kara

I just relied on everybody…
because I wasn’t me back then.

sekai wo kaetemiseru! mae wo mireba
PINCHI ha CHANSU ni kawaru
kodou ga kizamidashita mirai he to
mayoi wo tsubasa ni kaetara
dare mo todokanai ano hoshi ni naru!
Shining Like A Star

I’ll show you I can change the world! If I look ahead,
my troubles will change into opportunities.
My heartbeat was carved out from my future but
if I were to change my doubts into wings,
I’ll become that star no one can reach!
Shining Like A Star

recently i've been thinkin bout my own capabilities in terms of encouraging a person as a gakkai leader.. but it seems like there has been no one who is encouraged to overcome their problems by my sharing or anything.. (bad english)

plus.. i guess i really step on landmine le.. but i'll not give up!! *xia zhan tie~* although im always running away from problems and seeking the easy way out, i wanted to change myself this time round. if one is not practising earnestly, there will be no personal growth and no improvements in the environment that one is in as well..

thus, a kickstart would be readin of "guideline of buddhism" that i was given like 1-2 yrs ago.. i learned today every effect has an external cause and internal cause and that explains y i've been running around in a maze ba.. therefore, i TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE to seek and achieve personal victories in order to provide 'enlightenment' more efficienctly..

i guess.. somewhat, i felt really apologetic for the unnecessary probing into someone's affairs.. and even zhi zhuo cong ming de provide my shallow opinions and thoughts.. because i never went thru the same or worse, i cant really feel for it ba.. watashi wa hontou baka!

Faces of Fan_没那么爱他

你有权利情绪化
你不一定要坚强
但有些事情不能伪装
别为自己设了框
我懂失去的悲伤
也懂进退的挣扎
但想起过去都是失望
又何必要放不下
是习惯 还是爱
不放心 还是不甘心
只有你自己知道解答
其实你没有那么爱他
真的不需要那么想他
编织过的梦想
自己也可以抵达
谁说一定要有他
其实你没有那么爱他
没有深陷到不可自拔
认清了真心话
你就放得下
我懂失去的悲伤
也懂进退的挣扎
但想起过去都是失望
又何必要放不下
是习惯 还是爱
不放心 还是不甘心
只有你自己知道解答
其实你没有那么爱他
真的不需要那么想他
编织过的梦想
自己也可以抵达
谁说一定要有他
其实你没有那么爱他
没有深陷到不可自拔
认清了真心话
你就放得下
深呼吸 抬头望
发现天空很宽广
这世界 那么大
幸福总会在某个地方
其实你没有那么爱他
真的不需要那么想他
拥有过的计划
留给值得的对象
你知道 不会是他
其实你没有那么爱他
没有深陷到不可自拔
认清了真心话
你就放得下
认清了真心话
你就放得下

In response to my dearest meow's post, i myself have also been struggling for the past years.. YEARS i said.. because it seem as if.. from 200N, i no longer could pull myself back to the motivated, encouraging, all-way-out leader again.

the past me was, if anyone was aware, one who writes postcards on trains; one who reads a book anytime available; one who photocopy and prints loads of guidances for mbrs and ldrs; one who always send letters even if there isnt any reply; one who realise her mission and knows whats the way to go.

after 200N, no matter how much i try to do, the obstacles never stop coming towards me.. especially so for the demon living within myself. be it to be a hungry demon or a angry demon or a lazy demon.. and so many changes has been happening that i lose the ryhthm of myself as well. most of the time was spent on wondering why A behaved like that, or what can i do to situation B. but for all the campaigns, i never emerge victorious.. sigh. . . . . . .

jus few days ago, another incident happened that brought my memories back to what happened a few yrs back. and this time, i fought back, i argued. i told myself that this is my karma and here i am to change it. because everything that happened to me, i believed it was my karma and mission.. therefore, i always tolerated and took it upon myself. having said so, i was super upset by the attitude of the leader. and various others of course. i wanted to resolve this myself but at the same time i know i need to raise this among the others so that we can come together.

after tt mtg, whether it was waiting for bus, on the bus, walking home or at home, on my bed. it was jus tearing and sighing and the flame of anger and 'wu nai' was like BURNING~~ but i tried to remember my bond with sensei, my promise to him.. for N years i've been holding on.. though i was like the water that had frozen, but i did not give up simply nor jus play MIA. i would spend abit more time than usual on shopping, KTV, watching shows online but i continued what i had to do because i know many pple are waiting for me to show them the soka spirit.

then this guidance came to me.

"Everything begins with changing our own attitude or mind-set. This applies
equally to forging solid unity. If members of an organisation are constantly
at loggerheads, always blaming and criticising each other, there will never
be any unity among them. Since organisations are made up of individuals, we
are bound to encounter all kinds of people. At times, there may be cases
when our personalities just don't mesh with certain individuals.
That is why unless we do our human revolution, we will not be able to forge
bonds of shared purpose with each other, rising above various differences.
In 'The Heritage of the Ultimate Law of Life,' the Daishonin urges his
followers to unite 'in the spirit of many in body but one in mind, transcending all
differences among themselves [free of distinctions of self and
other] to become as inseparable as fish and the water in which they
swim' (WND-1, 217).

"It is only natural that people will have different personalities and
temperaments. But that doesn't mean that because people are
different from us, we should discriminate against them or exclude and reject them.
The important thing is that we respect each other and accept each others'
differences, with an all-embracing heart that is free of
discrimination or distinctions of self and other."

SGI Newsletter No. 7657, LEARNING FROM THE GOSHO: THE HOPE-FILLED
WRITINGS OF NICHIREN DAISHONIN, [12] "Many in Body, One in Mind" -- "The
Spirit of Many in Body, One in Mind" Is the Path to Certain Victory, from the
September 2008 issue of the Daibyakurenge, translated Oct. 31st, 2008

i know that no matter what happens, we'll suffer from it even though its not our fault. because it starts upon us. like the sailor moon cartoon that spans 200 episodes. although she and her friends are not directly involve in causing inconvenience upon others, but it is decided that its their MISSION to do so, to save the world.

i remember sharing with one of my girl that my fav show is sailor moon because i want to remind myself to always remember and stay close to achieving my mission. i've to pull myself constantly to the primepoint. and in order to do that, i know that i need to find back the momemtum of homevisits and dislogues. this is where human interaction and human revolution begins.

PHEW~ what a long post!